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    October 21

    Light from October

    想念的力量非常的强烈,甚至在我梦中扭曲的扩张。有时候我觉得我更加忠于的是梦中那纵然支离破碎并且醒来就蒸发不见的生活和信念。很多记忆已经离我而去,但有些细节已经获得了它自有的生命里,在我身体的角角落落扎下了深深的根系,并且自说自话地开花,枝繁叶茂。有些人,刚分离,回首时便已如百年身,有些人却始终在心头辗转停留,似乎从未远离。时间的力量是微乎其微的,相当于如此执着的自我和眷恋而言。甚至,即使这记忆在内心变得虚幻起来,这种虚幻也并未使得对方从心头游离开来,要知道有些岛屿虽然并未存在于地球版图上的任何一个坐标,它在内心的位置却是用全世界的财富来交换都不能拱手让出的。
     
    生命变得漂浮起来。在很多琐事做做停停的过程中把时间耗尽。或许这时才明白很多时候让我们漂泊的都并非漂泊的念头。恰恰相反,让我们漂泊的是渴望安定的心愿。因为太过渴望安定而不断地寻寻觅觅,找不到满意的停泊港口,反而不似一心浪迹天涯的人因为心意坚定反而可以好整以暇。
     
    奇迹并不会出现。因为所有的奇迹都与自身的因果有着千丝万缕的联系。心中那个深不见底的黑洞,是无论是哪一个人,还是哪一本书,哪一段经历,哪一张电影,都无法给它令人满意的响应的。欲知果,先问因,成长并不是向外界扩张的过程,更重要的是,它是深入到自己内心的探索。而我们徘徊流连的世界尽头永远都只是我们心为形役的幻影,探究它的渊源和外围,用歌与风声灌满自己的空虚,都要依靠自己的力量,自己的体温。这种温度无法向他人寻求,任何人施于自己的体温都只能此一时彼一时,真正的温暖来自自身血液的流淌与循环。
     
    幻想中的抵达是最为甜美的迷醉。本着这样的迷恋,才会给自己那么多预设的期望。而真正的抵达通常是平淡无奇的。浮躁来源于总期待着想象中的奇迹,而不能以逸待劳地温故知新,沉淀自己。而我理想中的生活本不该是走马观花,似乎自己的心理已经开始有了暮气沉沉的味道,就是读书,也不再像少年时那样积极地更新自己的书单,我相信如果智慧真正获得,仅仅是一本书的反复阅读便足以传递给我生活所将给与我的全部信息。

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    Jessicawrote:
    恩,任何时候都不要忽略自己的力量,不要忘记给自己温暖。
    Oct. 22

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